Hello again, you with a beautiful soul and eyes full of hope and a hidden pain underneath. I see you, I feel you. These words I am about to write are just a few sentences put together to address the one who once held my heart. Words, words that bring different feelings to different people. These words I am about to write will probably make you think of someone, someone who also had your heart at some point or maybe even still does today. Your someone is not my someone but I know they had the some power over you. He kissed you with passion you have never felt, and spoke words into your ears that reached deep within your soul. He told you he loved you, and with your whole heart you believed him. I am Esther Sheilla, and you too have your own name. we are not the same person, but we are both human, we feel pain, we have a heart and a soul. You are not alone in the world; we are many, many who have also had our hearts broken and shattered by a person, we never thought could ever break us.
Love is not supposed to be painful, it is supposed to give us hope and a feeling of completeness and when that fails to happen, all that left is total anguish and darkness. WHY? Simply because you fell in love? No, but simply because you gave your heart to a person who was not capable of keeping your heart and you safe.
Today I decided to come behind a computer screen and type words that will reach people who my voice cannot reach. These words are for you to somehow find comfort in the middle of your storm. I am about to write an open letter to a man who once held my heart, and to the man who once held yours.
I think it is time for me to understand that some roads can be cut off and out of my reach. I think it is time for me to understand that two people can be close and fall apart. It is mostly time for me to learn to push past the thoughts of you and fond memories of us.
Do you understand how it feels to be told you are loved, and that you are the best out of all of them? Do you understand the emotions that run through a young woman who believes she is going to spend forever with you and build a home together? Do you understand the emotions that run through her mind every time you kissed her and held her and made her fall deep in love with you? She had walls up, layers and layers to shield her from this evil world and you came in like a thief in the night and crushed them all down, making her believe you had good intentions, and probably I don’t know, just maybe you did love her too. Do you understand the pain that coursed through her veins when you ripped her world apart?
I need you to understand and grasp the fact that I loved you. I loved you through everything you put me through, through the emotional ups and downs. I loved you through the good days when you were full of love and laughter and the bad days when I wanted to scream at you, and throw a rock through your car window because you were being unpleasant. I loved you though distance and time apart. I loved you through all your bad decisions and painful words. I know somewhere deep within me is a place that will always warm up at the mention of your name. You know why? because the love I had for you was genuine and real and raw. I also want you to know how much I have grown to love myself and to help myself understand that things happen, even to those who love with an open heart.
I have always been a girl full of love, since childhood I have been taught to love others with a genuine and Godly love. I am an amazing young woman, and I am a very good person. I know that is so crazy to outright say about myself, but that is my truth. I am a kind person, a sweet girl. I needed to understand that this world will send people my way who will hurt me, and who will treat me bad. I had to understand that when all of these things happen to me, it is no fault of my own. I did not cause this to happen. People will love me, and some will hate me, or maybe a little bit of both which I somehow believe you did. You broke my heart, but you did not break my spirit. Love is not supposed to hurt or break you. Love heals and protects and forgives and is kind. love is being able to see our own beauty and potential, even when others make those things feel non-existent. You did not take love away from me. You did not break my spirit. No matter how many people trample on my heart, they will never take my love or my spirit. No one can, not even you. I am so much stronger just knowing this truth.
The girl who loved you
Sometimes beautiful soul, people will treat us bad, make us feel less than who we are. Please dear human, when this happens to you, know that it is no fault of your own. You are and will always be, the best of them. Now do what you thought you could not do! RISE UP AGAIN